


Quiet Freaking Out

by Realmer06



Category: Leah on the Offbeat - Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Bram POV, Leah on the Offbeat spoilers, Leah on the offbeat, M/M, book canon, missing moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 00:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14485149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Realmer06/pseuds/Realmer06
Summary: SPOILERS FOR LEAH ON THE OFFBEAT.It's two days before prom. Simon is acting weird. Bram is determined to figure out what Simon isn't telling him.A missing moment from Leah and the Offbeat.





	Quiet Freaking Out

**Author's Note:**

> I finished Leah on the Offbeat this morning and I can't believe no one has written for it yet. So here's my contribution, and don't worry. There will be more to come. Because while I loved the book, there's a lot that we don't get to see, especially toward the end.
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s two days before prom, and Simon’s acting weird. To be honest, he’s been acting a little weird since he got back from spring break, and Bram can’t quite figure it out. He’s on edge and distracted, and Bram has asked several times if everything is all right, but Simon has deflected every question with a smile and a refocusing that almost masks the quiet freaking out Bram is sure his boyfriend is doing. 

 

He goes so far as to try and draw something out of Leah. It’s no use talking to Nick or Abby about it -- they’re so singled-in on post-break-up issues that they’re of no use to anyone, especially Nick. No, if Simon has talked to anyone about it, he’s talked to Leah, but Bram is either imagining everything, or Leah is a better actress than she lets on. But Bram’s really sure he’s not imagining it. 

 

So when lunchtime rolls around, Bram meets Simon at his locker. “Hey, let’s get out of here for a bit,” he says, and Simon looks a little taken aback, but he agrees readily enough. 

 

They take Bram’s car, holding hands over the gear shift and riding in easy silence as one of Simon’s playlists filled the car. He drives to Publix. Simon grins as they pulled into the parking lot.

 

“Recreating our first date?” he asks. Bram returns his smile.

 

“Something like that,” he says, but then he gets serious. He unbuckles his seatbelt, but makes no move to get out of the car. Instead, he angles himself toward Simon, facing him, and Simon looks immediately concerned.

 

“What’s up?” he asks.

 

“Simon, will you do something for me?” Bram asks softly. 

 

“Anything,” is Simon’s immediate response. 

 

Bram nods. “Will you tell me what you’ve been freaking out about for the past week?”

 

Simon’s first response is panic. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth in what is undoubtedly about to be some attempt at a denial. Bram silently heads him off, raising both eyebrows as he continues to still quietly and wait. On a long exhale, Simon gives up the pretense, tension melting out of him. He slumps back against his seat, head tilted back against the headrest and eyes closed. “I’ve been that obvious about it?” he asks. Bram almost smiles.

 

“I  _ do _ know you fairly well,” he points out. 

 

Simon turns his head toward Bram and opens his eyes, worry and nerves lining every inch of his face. When he speaks, his voice is quiet and full of hesitation. “I don’t want to break up,” is what he says, barely louder than a whisper. Bram rests his head against the back of his seat, eyes still on Simon.

 

“Good,” he says. “Because neither do I.”

 

“I don’t want to end up like Nick and Abby.”

 

Bram sighs. He knows exactly where Simon’s coming from; that whole thing is an absolute mess. But he’s not sure why Simon is so worried about it all of a sudden. “We’re not Nick and Abby, Si,” he says gently. “Our situation is completely---”

 

“I don’t want to go to NYU.”

 

The words come out in a rush, and the panic is back in Simon’s eyes, along with something that looks like fear and pulls at Bram’s heart.  

 

“Simon . . .” he whispers, willing in that moment to do whatever he has to to take that fear out of Simon’s eyes.

 

“I liked NYU,” Simon says, sitting up straight, turning to face Bram, still rushing to get the words out. He’s pleading and desperate and practically begging Bram to understand, and Bram does in a flash. He puts it together, what must have happened and when. “I really did, Bram, but . . .”

 

“Which school?” Bram asks softly. Simon closes his eyes and swallows and looks so guilty Bram can’t stand it.

 

“Haverford,” he says in a voice no louder than a whisper. And then, like someone opened the floodgates and Simon’s not sure when they’ll be closed again, he blurts out, “It’s tiny and perfect and it has a dining hall that looks like Hogwarts, and it just felt  _ right _ , Bram, like I belonged there, like there was a custom-made space just waiting for me to fit into. And I know, I  _ know _ , we had this plan, and I know that I’m royally fucking it up, and I might be fucking  _ us _ up, and I won’t go, Bram, if you ask me not to, I can’t believe I’m really thinking about doing this to us---”

 

Bram reaches over and grabs Simon’s hand. “Simon,” he says, cutting off his boyfriend’s rush of words. “Stop. Stop, okay? You are not fucking  _ anything  _ up, least of all us.”

 

“But we had a  _ plan _ ,” Simon whispers, eyes still closed. Bram shifts so that he’s closer and reaches up to cup Simon’s face.

 

“Would you look at me, please?” he says gently. Simon obeys. “Nothing was set in stone, Simon, that’s why you went on your college tour in the first place.” Simon doesn’t look convinced, so Bram takes a more drastic step. “Simon--”

 

“What if I go to Haverford, and we can’t handle the distance?”

 

“We’re not Nick and Abby, Simon,” Bram says, gentle but earnest, feeling the need to stress it again now that he knows what the issue is. “And between you and me, I think there’s more going on there than the distance issue.”

 

That comment breaks Simon slightly out of his spiral. “What do you mean?” Bram sighs.

 

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “I just think there’s more to the break up than being worried about long distance. But even if there isn’t, we’re not them. And the way I see it, this transition we’re facing, moving from high school to college, is going to come with  _ some _ challenge. And personally, I would rather have that challenge be figuring out long distance than watching you settle for a school you’re not excited about just to be closer to me. That’s not fair to you, Simon. You deserve the best possible college experience. I don’t want to be what takes that away from you.”

 

Simon leans into Bram’s hand. “How do I deserve you?” he asks, and Bram rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling.

 

“None of that,” he warns, moving his hand so it rests at the nape of Simon’s neck. “I love you,” he says when he’s confident that he has Simon’s full attention. “And I want you to go to Haverford.”

 

The corners of Simon’s mouth twitch up even as he fights back tears. Simon tears up at basically everything, and it’s adorable. “Yeah?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Bram says with conviction. “We can handle it, Simon. We can handle anything that we tackle  _ together _ .”

 

“Boyfriend code for I should have said something a week ago,” Simon says wryly.

 

“Basically, yes.” They share a smile, then Bram gets serious again. “Long distance only falls apart when the couple isn’t used to being together in a way that isn’t physical. But you and I have that down. It’s how we  _ started _ , Si. We can do it again.”

 

Simon smiles. “Maybe it’s time to dust off Jacques and Blue?”

 

Bram laughs. “Maybe. In a few months, though. Let’s not say goodbye before we’ve left, okay?”

 

Simon’s face falls. “I hate goodbyes,” he says.

 

“I know,” Bram says. “So let’s not worry about them yet.” He pulls Simon close for a quick kiss that turns into a not-so-quick kiss. “Come on,” he finally says, pulling back. “We’re gonna run out of time for food if we don’t hurry.”

 

They get out of the car and head for the store, but Simon stops him before they can enter. “Bram?” he says. Bram turns back to his amazing, adorable, wonderful boyfriend. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before. I wanted to, I just didn’t know how.” 

 

Bram crosses the lot back to Simon. “It’s okay,” he says, taking both Simon’s hands in his. “Just don’t shut me out, okay? We figure this stuff out together from now on. Deal?”

 

Simon smiles. “Deal.”

 

“Good. Now,” he says as they head into the store, “tell me all about Haverford and this dining hall that looks like Hogwarts.”

 

Simon lights up as he talks about the school and the campus and everything he loves, and it reassures Bram that they’re making the right choice. It may not be the easiest path that lies ahead of them, but if Simon is happy, then Bram is happy to face whatever challenges might come.

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving a review.


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